drowningpoetry:

“you have this hole in your heart that you’re attempting to fill with another person but the thing you fail to realize is that you go for men who treat you the way you treat yourself and that’s why you end up so hurt. you abuse yourself and see yourself as less than. so naturally, you go for guys who treat you the same way as you treat yourself because that’s what you think you deserve. broken people attract more brokenness. that’s why when you see yourself as nothing, the creeps and bad guys are so attracted to you. because they’re bullies and insecure themselves and project it onto you because they know you’re vulnerable and hurting so that you’ll take it. and because youre a ‘martyr’ you accept this and you convince yourself that they need saving and worshiping and loving when really they deserve nothing to do with you. it’s not to say that you’re better than them, it’s simply just facts. you, and your heart, deserve better than scum. so remove them. that’s why when good people love you, you can’t accept it. because you don’t think you deserve it. all of these parts in you are fighting to take control. rage. sadness. grief. they’re all consuming you, and filling you so much that they kicked you out. you are not ‘self’. self is wholesomeness, love, kindness, and acceptance to yourself and your life. but all your pain and parts have removed it. and that’s why i’m here. im here to temporarily be your ‘self’ until you gain back control of it. and your problem is that you try and compensate for losing your ‘self’ by having a guy, a douchebag guy, become your ‘self’ and that’s why you hurt. only you can run yourself and be your ‘self’ and douche bag guys who convince you that you can make them whole don’t deserve you.”

— advice from my therapist that I cant stop thinking about